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Expert Manipulation Always Wins

2010/08/27

No. Daddy is tired and just wants to vegitate. We’re not going anywhere. We’re not doing anything. The doors are locked from the outside.

Well, yes, if there’s a fire we can still get out.

Put those matches down! Burning the house down won’t get you to play with your friends across the street! It will only make us have to move and you’ll never see them again.

Throwing the brick through the window won’t help either! Where did you get that brick from anyway? Seriously.

No, we can’t go to the park. No, we’re not eating out tonight. No, not the splash pad, either. No, I hate the mall, there’s too many people there and I’d rather not deal with people right now.

Yes, I know you’re people, too, but that’s different. I can control you.

I said put those matches down!

How about a sedative, girls? Want to try a sedative? What’s that? Well, they’re like your kid vitamins but they’ll make you chill out for a while. No, not cold. Chill, like calm down. No, I’m not going to stick you in the freezer, that’s not what I meant.

I know it’s nice outside, but I told you, we’re not going out. Because I don’t have the energy to do anything. Why not? Because I got out of bed at 3:30am this morning.

Pick peppers from the garden? You never want to pick peppers from the garden with me. You’re damn clever kid, I know you’re just trying to manipulate me to go outside. Well, guess what? There’s no peppers ready to be picked right now.

OK, fine, go cry. Make me feel like shit. Make me feel like a terrible dad who never does anything for his kids. Like buy ice cream on the way home from school for the second day in a row. Or try to feed you decent food. Or put a roof over your head.

How long are you going to cry for?

What?! You really think that?! That I don’t love you just because I don’t want to take you outside?

OK. Get your shoes on. Let’s go to the park.

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